chicken and the egg

follow-up to yesterday's deep thought of the day:

which came first the blue contacts or the fake tits?

blue contacts, fake tits, and asian girls

i don't know much about the following: optometry and cosmetic surgery. but i do know this. if i were to own a practice in either of the aforementioned, i would put in place some cross-marketing for the other.

let's do some math.

boob jobs run anywhere from 3k to 15k depending on the reputation of the surgeon/artist. if you just split it down the middle, you get 9k. but let's be realistic. asian girls who wear blue contacts aren't exactly rolling top shelf. sure, it could be a rich korean girl with low self-esteem (redudnant?) who forewent enough lv leather goods saved to channel their allowance to get the work done. more than likely though, it's some low-rent asian skank who thinks real modeling takes place on showroom floors alongside shiny cars whose doors open upward.

let's say the latter outweighs the former 2-1. so weighted average: 7k. my referral fee as the optometrist for sending over the girl i just fitted for some tinted lenses, 10%. that's an extra $700 in my pocket. shit, that's like ten eye exams for giving them a business card!

seriously though (at least a little bit). i live in san francisco. we have plenty of asian girls. and among the plenty, there's a small percentage of those who feel blue contacts "enhance" their appearance (it looks awful by the way). and of that small percentage, 100% of them "needed" breast enhancement to complete their look into the illegitimate child conceived in a new york minute between fembot #1 and carlo from hoboken.

it's a weird world.

in dreams

as i opened my eyes this morning, i recalled my dreams as clearly as when i was having them. three days in a row this has been the case. in of itself, this is an oddity. i suck at remembering things i do while awake, and it goes the same way for those things when i am sleeping.

but the real peculiarity is something altogether different. the same person has starred three consecutive nights. once chance, twice coincidence, three times a pattern.

this strikes me as not particularly healthy. well unless, that same person has dreamt about you for those same three days. in that case, it's more than healthy. it's great.

thursday's the new saturday (in sf too)

without doubt, thursdays have brought me the most joy of any day. at least the past year. it's what happens when you harness the synergy of the holy cow, 1984, and bob's donuts.

yesterday was a special one. my quasi-regular thursday gang were celebrating a birthday. a thirtieth one at that. which means in addition to the regular round, r bar, amelie, and most importantly, the house of prime rib were part of the festivities.

never before, and perhaps never again, will someone have bottle service at the holy cow. anyone who lives in sf will understand. if that doesn't describe you, replace with the sweatiest, sleaziest, post-junior-college discotheque in your town, and you'll get the idea.

willing to overpay

like everybody else, i despise finding out i've overpaid for something. like bedding a hot chick who you swept off to a fancy restaurant with white tablecloths and ordered the sommelier's recommended bottle of wine (instead of scanning the list for the smallest number), only to find out the next morning she went double fisted on two of your friends in the bathroom at harlot (substitute any club with velvet ropes) .

but exceptions to all rules. and here is one.

WANTED: Black "Allergic to Broke" t-shirt; as worn by Savino Bratton in Season 5, Episode 1 of The Wire.

google finds many things. but not this.

giving versus receiving

gchat, gmail's built-in im program, has a twitter-like feature where you can show a quote, status, or other short message next to your name when it shows up in friend's contact lists.*

by typing this first sentence -- which uses a twitter reference voluntarily in a non-business related endeavor -- i know i give away the fact i have devolved into a web 2.0 geek. while i accept this, i also disclose my feelings that twitter to be retarded. paradoxically, i like the twitter -like feature of gchat. us humans, we are oh so complex.

today, i updated my message so to include this mel brooks quote -- via a joe posnanski blog entry -- about the difference between comedy and tragedy:

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. That’s a tragedy. It hurts, it’s bleeding, I don’t like it, tragedy. Comedy is you falling in a manhole, what do I care?

i love it. certainly, i'm not alone in that fact. after all, it's hilarious. but i love it more than most. and i say that not because i'm better than most, but because i am more self-centered than most. and by most, i mean, well, just about everybody.

now all of us know the cliche, it's better to give than to receive. but let's be realistic about this. it's not true. well not generally at least. sure, there have been instances where something i gave brought me more joy than something i received. in that sense, yes it's true. of course, this also had a lot to do with what i received being crap, and what i gave having ruled. i suspect this explains how this specious phrase arose. let me reinforce with an example.

some sap, while on one knee, having just exchanged six-months salary for a small gem, offers the alleged woman of his dreams the rest of his life. she accepts; merriment ensues. he, being of moderate intellect, ponders the following: this is way better than that time my grandma gave me that ugly red sweater with the brown reindeer on it. really is something to this giving stuff.

i do not expound with the intention of sounding bitter or cynical -- such is consequence -- but the truth often does ring unpleasant. but i'll concede this. giving great gifts does feel nice, even if not quite so nice as receiving a great one. of course, the former you control.

all of this is a round-about way of my saying that i've found something to give. and yes it is a great gift. 1) it's random. obligation never enhances a present. 2) it's by the aforementioned posnanski, who despite by trade a sportswriter, writes beautifully. 3) it's about baseball. my friend loves baseball. 4) $16.47. an amazing greatness-to-dollar ratio.