i'm sexist

but i'm right: women are not funny.

now some feminista might counter with the ellen degenereses and tina feys of the world. but remember, we're not talking about women who are funnier than the average woman, we're talking about women who are genuinely, laugh out loud, belly aching, bladder distracting funny. say dave chapelle, chris rock, jerry seinfeld, jon stewart etc.

so if and when you're lucky enough to find some girl who really has it, she's a keeper.

being that it is christmas, try this at home. ask your siblings about the funniest female person in their life (for accurate results, female significant others should not be present). then look around and observe the confounded looks that appear on the faces of those around you as they desperately search their memories for someone that even somewhat fits the charge.

maybe i should consider myself lucky. i have ran across the rare breed that is the humor-producing woman. and as chance had it, she shared her sensible theory to explain the scarcity. humor, unlike femininity, big tits and a hemispherical backside, is not valued in women. hence it goes unnurtured. and once females find they are unrewarded for the trait, they fail to incorporate it into their personality.

now, in my mind, this is unquestionably true. on the other hand, it doesn't constitute a complete explanation either. if it were, we wouldn't know what polonium or radium was. but of course madame curie did indeed identify these two elements, which leads us to the question of why there hasn't been a truly funny woman to emerge from the woodwork. in the end, it's only intellectually honest to conclude that there must be another factor, biological being the most obvious, that contributes to the female disposition for humorlessness.

i leave you with this statistic: 2.25. that is how many funny women i've run across in my short 29 and one-half years. whether that makes me lucky or not, i've yet to determine.